As an aspiring triathlete, I constantly battle the clock. Fitting, because I do the same thing in races.

I bike to work. I engulf my lunch in five minutes.

I talk fast.

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I workout during most lunch hours. This is a battle to speed walk to the nearest office shower, change out of a suit and tie, throw my stuff in the locker, fly out the door, work out as hard as I can for 40 or so minutes, get back inside, smile sheepishly at any coworkers I see in the hallway, take a cold shower to cool off as much as possible, change back into the suit and tie, and return to my desk to gulf down a post-workout meal.

I sit and sweat at my desk for the next three hours.

No, I’m not a Vegetarian

Bring enough salads to work, and you will become the “salad guy.” Green food is foreign to most office drones who live off tacos and sodas from the cafeteria.

“Are you a vegetarian?”

There’s chicken right here on my salad.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat anything besides salad.”

I had an apple and hard-boiled eggs for a snack. Does that count?

“Are you headed to the cafeteria to make some weird meal?”

Do the 15 other people in line for the salad bar get the same question?

“You’re like a rabbit.”

Rabbit food. That’s my favorite, given that rabbits are so strongly associated with masculinity.

Lunch Workouts Make You Sweaty

As kids, my brother and I harassed our father for his inability to stop sweating for at least an hour after his workouts, regardless of how much time he spent showering.

I hate karma.

It doesn’t help that I’m required to wear a suit and tie to work.

But I can’t say seated all day. I have to move. Even if that means I’m going to show up to work twice with wet hair.

“Wait, didn’t you bike here?”

Yes, but it was downhill. Plus, that was four hours ago.

“You’re so motivated.”

No, just bored.

Walk These Halls

I don’t go running every day for lunch. Sometimes I go through a bodyweight circuit. I get back from a round of pushups, lunges and dips. Sweating, as usual.

A coworker asks about my run. I make the mistake of telling him about my workout.

“You are, without a doubt, the most unique intern to ever walk these halls.”

Walk these halls. It sounds so regal.

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